Solo Podcast: The making of a modern "sandwich" generation

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Hello.

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Welcome back to another podcast.

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Episode of real conversations about aging parents.

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Today, we're going to have another solo podcast.

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So that's just me talking.

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And I'm going to focus on the origin of what we call the sandwich generation

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and kind of where that came from.

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Some of the cultural and economic forces that produce that concept.

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And then what it means to me today.

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So.

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When people refer to themselves as being in the sandwich generation,

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that isn't like a traditional generation that we would think of, of

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people born in a certain timeframe.

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It's really a term that, that stretches all the way back into the early 1980s.

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There was a.

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Social worker named Dorothy Miller, who wrote a book in 1981

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called the sandwich generation, adult children of aging parents.

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And it was that first, um, foray into understanding.

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The different challenges and stresses faced by individuals who are juggling

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the responsibilities of both caring for their parents and for their children.

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So that was the idea of the sandwich that you were sort

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of in the middle and you had.

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A piece of bread on either side of you that was applying pressure.

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And that was when the term started, but it's really persisted until this day.

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Um, this idea that this.

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Sandwich generation really does represent.

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Largely women, although could be obviously men as well that find themselves in

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this life phase where they're carrying.

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For the generation before them and the generation after them.

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So we'll take it a couple of steps further and just think about some of the

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pressures or things that have happened that have helped produce this idea or

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this extra pressure in that time of life.

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So, first and foremost is to think about.

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The extension of the human lifespan, just in the last century or so.

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So, if you look back at prehistoric times, you're thinking, you know,

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before the first century, That really most humans would live

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somewhere between 20 to 40 years.

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There was high rates of infant mortality, maternal mortality.

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Just death was always amongst us as a species that extended a little

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bit further into the middle ages.

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But again, we had a lot of disease and obviously.

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Uh, not a lot of medical care, but the improvement of agricultural practices,

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sanitation and other things helps kind of extend us into the upper thirties

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or forties for a life expectancy.

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But we really didn't see a vast improvement out of the forties as

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a lifespan until the 20th century.

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And that's when you saw modern technology.

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Healthcare disease prevention, a big improvement in living standards.

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And that's when we saw the life expectancy nearly double to close to 75 or 80 years.

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And it's actually hung around that point.

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Here in the last couple of years with COVID, that was the first

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time we had taken a step back.

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Um, by a year or two, both for men and women, but overall there

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was really, you live to about 40 years until the 19 hundreds.

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And by the end of the 20th century.

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You know, our life expectancy had gone up to 75 or 80.

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And really w culturally, we haven't really adapted to how we are going to

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tackle this increased life expectancy.

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So.

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What comes with an increased life expectancy is also an increase to

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the childbearing years and increase the duration of your working years.

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And you've seen that.

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With the edging up to the retirement age just seems like there's always

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upward pressure on when you'd qualify for Medicare benefits or when you

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qualify for other retirement benefits.

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And so, you know, Hand in hand with having a longer life span has also

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brought up new challenges that it may feel like we should have already figured

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all this out, but we're literally you listening to this podcast are one of the

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first generations to really contemplate.

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What does it like to take care of an 80 or 90 year old parent or grandparent?

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Those people didn't really exist that much back in the day, even

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a generation or two before them.

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Of course, there were always those that would have the blessing of

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a long life, but just in general.

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We are literally still on the cutting edge of understanding how different

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societies take care of people.

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That are aging, especially those who need help or other support.

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So one of the factors and the ch in the sandwich generation and the reason

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it didn't exist say a thousand years ago, Is, we are just living longer.

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And so you are, you can have a period of a life where you have

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both children and parents who are depending on you or, or need support.

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Uh, with care.

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The second factor is the, uh, women's role in the workforce.

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And so throughout human history, women have always played a really prominent

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roles in the workforce, but as far as formal work or employment here in the

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United States, um, up until about world war one, it really had been in areas

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like, uh, textiles or domestic service.

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But when world war one hit the participation in the workforce, , for

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women took a rapid upturn, right?

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So a lot of the men were serving in the military.

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And so women stepped into all those roles that were traditionally held

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by men, such as working in factories or offices or other industries that

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weren't common for women to work in.

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So if you could think of the early.

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Uh, 19 hundreds as a time when there was a transformation

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and the career paths of women.

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Um, and then after world war one, That, workforce participation continued

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to expand, so it didn't just stop.

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, but then it was bolstered again, when we hit world war two, where

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there was a similar boom and the expansion of, of women's careers.

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Again, as the men went away in the military to fight world war two.

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That's when you had a Rosie, the Riveter and other iconic images emerging out

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of the 1920s to the 1940s showing women, going into new careers and.

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, having more economic empowerment and that was fought as many things

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are, um, later by a backlash in the 1950s and sixties, kind of.

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You know, Encapsulated by the, leave it to beaver.

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And if you remember things about that show.

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Uh, with June Cleaver, wearing the pearls and the high heels and the,

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what was referred to at the time as a cult of domesticity, which is trying

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to put women back into traditional mother roles where they weren't working.

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Necessarily.

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And a big cultural emphasis on the celebration of traditional gender roles.

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And that lasted for maybe a decade or two.

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And then of course you have.

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1960s and seventies, which was another pendulum swing, uh, towards the

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feminist movements , advocating for.

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Women's rights and equal opportunity in education and employment.

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And that's where you really started to see the numbers.

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, tick up as far as professional opportunities Medical legal

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and other academic type careers.

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And then again, starting, just after that in the 1980s, participation

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has, , for women in the workforce has continued to increase year over year.

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The exception of that being the workforce, , disruption.

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During the pandemic, which disproportionately affected women as far

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as leaving, , their relative career past.

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And so.

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We've already spoken about the extension of the lifespan, but

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if you look at historically the individual's most responsible.

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For providing care for aging adults.

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Up until that time, traditionally was an adult daughter.

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More specifically an adult daughter, if she wasn't married or had

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otherwise had a family on her own.

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And when you take those gender roles and,, increase the economic and career

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opportunities and extend the lifespan.

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All of a sudden the equation has shifted.

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Much more quickly than our agility and our ability to tackle these problems.

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And so I think we, you know, if you're like me, you tend to kinda think we're

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modern and we have the internet and.

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You know, we are, , an advanced society, but really looking back historically.

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This podcast, everything that we're talking about, the

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experiences that are out there.

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This is the leading edge of us asking, what does this mean?

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Particularly as a professional female, but just in general for

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these different life phases, they're they look different now than they

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have looked in previous generations.

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And, and what are some of the stresses that come with that?

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What are some of those solutions that we can come up with?

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And just in general, what's the conversation.

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So we talked first about the.

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Extension of the human lifespan.

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The second was the change of the role in women, in as far

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as their career opportunities and their economic independence.

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And then the third one, which is even more recent than that has

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been the advent of alternative living situations for older adults.

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And that would be.

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Things like assisted living communities, retirement communities, senior housing.

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Uh, these were not concepts that were around 50, 60 years ago.

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These are relatively recent.

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And the last 25 to 30 years have really come on the scene, offering alternative

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settings for people that are aging.

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And the studies that have been done have shown that while though, although

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people prefer to age in place.

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So over 90% of people prefer to age in place.

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They also , strongly preferred not to live with their adult children.

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That is.

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Consistently throughout generations and, and considering lots of other, , factors.

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Something that that comes out in the literature, showing that people

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much preferred to live independently on their own and still have

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relationships with their family.

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But as far as this.

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You know, pre existing, preference for living with adult children.

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That's not there and nor do they want their adult children

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coming to live with them either.

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Now, again, there's multiple exceptions to that.

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There are cultural religious practices that are much more.

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Prominent in some areas that would point towards, that not

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being a strong sentiment, but in general, in United States.

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When assisted living facilities really hit the market.

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The demand was really, really outstanding and has continued

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to grow year and year over year.

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But we haven't really saw the economics of that.

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So the cost of these facilities can be extremely expensive and they are

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not quite yet figured into retirement planning and those types of things.

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But.

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The reason that you're seeing these facilities show up and become so

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successful is because of that sentiment.

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Uh, some of it is generational of, you know, I'll do for myself

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being independent, fiercely independent and private as well.

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And these types of settings are offering an alternative for aging.

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That doesn't include a depending on an adult child.

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Like it may have been 50 or 60 years ago when there really were no other options.

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So you couple that with the housing shortage and you couple that with

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the economic system that we have, which basically requires, both

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parents to be working, and now we have the new ingredients, right.

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And that's really what, what I would call the modern sandwich generation,

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which is, mid to late career female, who.

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Has maybe had her kids later in life.

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That's a whole other trend.

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Right?

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So I have many, many friends of mine.

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Having their first children in their early forties.

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Which puts them, you know, having, , school-aged kids into their late fifties.

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And that is also a new experience for women, uh, compared to it being much

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less common, say 50 or 60 years ago to have kids in your early forties.

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So, all of these things I think are coming into a very

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interesting intersection for us.

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That is bringing up a lot of great questions.

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That's why I love doing this podcast.

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I love.

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Deep diving into what this means.

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How can we navigate this?

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How do we put these things together?

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And so, , several months ago, When I started thinking about

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producing this podcast, I was going to name it on sandwiched.

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I figured that was too abstract of a term to have for the podcast.

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And so, , I ended up eventually writing a course.

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, which is my manifesto for the mindset and challenges and problem solving

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for this particular phase of life.

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And I did end up naming the course on sandwiched.

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So.

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That is still prominent.

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And I still own the, a URL on sandwich.com.

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So I will do something with that eventually, but the

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idea that I have behind it.

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Was, I just didn't really care for any of these passive terms that are

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sort of like, you know, I'm feeling standing, which are pressured.

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I don't find a lot of empowerment in those types, in that type of terminology.

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And so that's where I came up was sort of the, the, um, antithesis of that, which

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would be to be unsafe sandwiched and.

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And so one of my sayings is along the lines of the unstained, which concepts

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I have is like, I'm not sandwiched.

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I'm sure.

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Coterie.

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So as far as being unsafe, which on sandwich to me is a state.

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Of mindset management, where I've got my values, very clear, I've got my

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thought supervision and management under good control and the results and the

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way that people are experiencing me.

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Does not feel stressed or harried or, or otherwise, , pressured.

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And I think that there are enough inherent pressures and challenges

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coming with raising your own kids and supporting aging adults.

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And, what I think we can solve is the extra stories and the amplification

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of some of those stressors.

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And that really is the reason I wrote the course.

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On sandwiched for for that to explore that even further so i know this was a

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really short podcast and wanted to make sure that i had a chance to talk about the

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unsafe sandwich concept if you'd like to learn more like i said that course that

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i've been working on for several months is now published please go to the show notes

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Take a look at it if you're interested Please send me a message on instagram

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if you're a podcast listener i'll send you a special link with a discount on

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it i appreciate you being here thank you so much for supporting the podcast we

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just hit a thousand downloads as of the recording of this podcast so i couldn't

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be happier and just more More thrilled that there is an audience for this and

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that , hopefully people are gaining insights and having more conversations

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outside of the podcast And really helping us grow and thrive to become understand,

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switched as a whole Thank you so much for listening i'll see you next week